Curmudgeon quotes


There are people who have an appetite for grief; pleasure is not strong enough and they crave pain.  They have mithridatic stomachs which must be fed on poisoned bread, natures so doomed that no prosperity can sooth their ragged and dishevelled desolation.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.—Edgar A. Shoaff

It is not a fragrant world.—Raymond Chandler

I don't answer the phone.  I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end.—Fred Couples

I love mankind - it's people I can't stand.—Charles M. Schulz, Go Fly a Kite, Charlie Brown

[I] put the question directly to myself:  "Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions which you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant:  would this be a great joy and happiness to you?"  And an irrepressible self-consciousness distinctly answered, "No!"—John Stuart Mill, Autobiography, 1909

When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools.—William Shakespeare, King Lear

Oh for a lodge in some vast wilderness,
Some boundless contiguity of shade,
Where rumour of oppression and deceit,
Of unsuccessful or successful war,
Might never reach me more.—William Cowper

Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.—Author Unknown

There is no such thing as inner peace.  There is only nervousness and death.—Fran Lebowitz

Life is one long process of getting tired.—Samuel Butler

A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.—Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1893

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.—Jonathan Swift, The Battle of the Books, 1704

When you face the sun, all the shadows fall behind you.—Helen Keller

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two:  those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.—Mark Twain, Note-Book, 1935

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  Is it because we are not the person involved?—Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.—George Bernard Shaw

Nothing is more miserable than man,
Of all upon the earth that breathes and creeps.—Homer, Iliad

Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew.—William Shakespeare, Hamlet

I hate to be near the sea, and to hear it raging and roaring like a wild beast in its den.  It puts me in mind of the everlasting efforts of the human mind, struggling to be free and ending just where it began.—William Hazlitt

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.—G.K. Chesterton

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.—W. Somerset Maugham

Not to be born at all would be the best thing for man, never to behold the sun's scorching rays; but if one is born, then one is to press as quickly as possible to the portals of Hades, and rest there under the earth.—Thiognis

We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively as by bombs.—Kenneth Clark

Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious.—Edgar Saltus

Things are not as bad as they seem.  They are worse.—Bill Press

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee / And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.—Robert Frost

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities.  It is the only pleasure I have left.—Voltaire

He had the uneasy manner of a man who is not among his own kind, and who has not seen enough of the world to feel that all people are in some sense his own kind.—Willa Cather

We semaphore from ship to ship, but they're sinking, too.—Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Nothing begins, and nothing ends, that is not paid with moan; for we are born in other's pain, and perish in our own.—Francis Thompson

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.—Author Unknown

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and wish your parents had never met.—Bill Fitch

We are adhering to life now with our last muscle - the heart.—Djuna Barnes

The dignity of man lies in his ability to face reality in all its meaninglessness.—Martin Esslin

I see it all perfectly:  there are two possibilities, one can either do this or do that.  My honest opinion and friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it, you will regret both.—Kierkegaard

Comfort, or revelation:  God owes us one of these, but surely not both.—Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Janie's a pretty typical teenager - angry, insecure, confused.  I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.—Alan Ball, American Beauty, 1999

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.—Fred Allen

You're obliged to pretend respect for people and institutions you think absurd.  You live attached in a cowardly fashion to moral and social conventions you despise, condemn, and know lack all foundation.  It is that permanent contradiction between your ideas and desires and all the dead formalities and vain pretenses of your civilization which makes you sad, troubled and unbalanced.  In that intolerable conflict you lose all joy of life and all feeling of personality, because at every moment they suppress and restrain and check the free play of your powers.  That's the poisoned and mortal wound of the civilized world.—Octave Mirbeau, Torture Garden, "The Mission," Chapter 8

Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle; Old Age a regret.—Benjamin Disraeli, Coningsby

It must be admitted that there are some parts of the soul which we must entirely paralyze before we can live happily in this world.—Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort

He seems
To have seen better days, as who has not
Who has seen yesterday?—George Gordon, Lord Byron, Werner

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.—David T. Wolf

That I could clamber to the frozen moon
And draw the ladder after me.—Author Unknown

Many of us go through life feeling as an actor might feel who does not like his part, and does not believe in the play.—Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

The enthusiastic, to those who are not, are always something of a trial.—Alban Goodier

All our lives we are putting pennies - our most golden pennies - into penny-in-the-slot machines that are almost always empty.—Logan Pearsall Smith

I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses.—William Makepeace Thackeray

Man is the cruelest animal.  At tragedies, bullfights, and crucifixions he has so far felt best on earth; and when he invented hell for himself, behold, that was his very heaven.—Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra, 1892

Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.—Horace Walpole

Medvedénko:  "Why do you always wear black?"
Masha:  "I am in mourning for my life."—Anton Chekhov, The Seagull

There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.—Maya Angelou, PBS, 28 March 1988

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.—Peter McArthur

How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will.—Albert Einstein

Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation.—James Thurber, Further Fables for Our Time, 1956

This world is gradually becoming a place
Where I do not care to be any more.—John Berryman

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.—Charles de Gaulle

You have come into a hard world.  I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave.—Henry Ward Beecher

It's just life... wake up and smell the thorns.—From the movie Meet Joe Black

I am too tired to fight, but too stubborn to conform to the ways of this fucked up world.  I give up.—Author Unknown, supposed suicide note (Thank you, M6stewart.)

All my joys to this are folly,
Naught so sweet as melancholy.—Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy, 1651

I had a lover's quarrel with the world.—Robert Frost, The Lesson for Today, 1942

Its almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.—Robert Lynd

In October 1929 it was discovered that the 'Salem Trade School' which has fielded a football team for six years and collected receipts for its games, does not exist; the team is merely a group of players who share profits and are always in demand because they invariably lose.—from The Great American Sports Book

If to look truth in the face and not resent it when it's unpalatable, and take human nature as you find it . . . is to be cynical, then I suppose I'm a cynic.—Somerset Maugham

What I give form to in daylight is only one per cent of what I have seen in darkness.—M.C. Escher

Nature loves a burst of energy .—Boe Lightman

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I..... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.—Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.—Yogi Berra

Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing .—Theodore Roosevelt

Dawn. When men of reason go to bed .—Ambrose Bierce

I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.—Orson Welles

As for me, I am rather often uneasy in my mind, because I think that my life has not been calm enough; all those bitter disappointments, adversities, changes keep me from developing fully and naturally in my artistic career.—Vincent Van Gogh

The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr .--Muhammad

Literature flourishes best when it is half a trade and half an art.—William Inge

I was a stricken deer that left the herd long since.—William Cowper

For busy, battered bureaucrat though I be, I am a staunch believer in the leisure of the theory class.—Adlai Stevenson

Leisure is the mother of philosophy.—Thomas Hobbes

I believe that drugs are basically of more use to the audience than to the artist. I think that the illusion of oneness with the universe, and absorption with the significance of every object in your environment, and the pervasive aura of peace and contentment is not the ideal state for an artist. It tranquilizes the creative personality, which thrives on conflict and on the clash and ferment of ideas. The artist's transcendence must be within his own work; he should not impose any artificial barriers between himself and the mainspring of his subconscious.—Stanley Kubrick

It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.—Mark Twain

My disdain for the establishment is exceeded only by my disdain for those who rebel against the establishment.--Anonymous

I may as well confess myself the author Of several books against the world in general—Robert Frost

Frog. n. A reptile with edible legs. The first mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer’s narrative of the war between them and the mice. Skeptical persons have doubted Homer’s authorship of the work, but the learned, ingenious and industrious Dr. Schliemann has set the question forever at rest by uncovering the bones of the slain frogs.—Ambrose Bierce: The Devil’s Dictionary

I cannot walk through the suburbs in the solitude of the night without thinking that the night pleases us because it suppresses idle details, just as our memory does.—Jorges Luis Borges

I watch a man shoot pool for an hour. If he misses more than one shot I know I can beat him.—Luther Lassiter: Pool Hustler

The nature of men and women - their essential nature - is so vile and despicable that if you were to portray a person as he really is, no one would believe you.—W. Somerset Maugham

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody .—Quentin Crisp

I exist between the superficial security adopted by the mainstream and the grave reality of the outer fringes. I do not fit into either category, but I am their mediator.—Eli Khamorov

Hypertext is more significant to society than the invention of the printing press and the alphabet.—James Burke

Question: What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening? Answer: Orestes, Hamlet, and Winston Smith.—Anonymous 

The wise through excess of wisdom is made a fool.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.—f. Scott Fitzgerald

Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.—Robert Byrne

Truth; n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.—Ambrose Bierce

The truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression. It is possible to lie, and even to murder with the truth.—Alfred Adler

Some lies are so well disguised to resemble truth, that we should be poor judges of the truth not to believe them .--Anonymous

Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience, and reflection.—Ambrose Bierce: The Devil’s Dictionary

Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men.—Thomas Henry Huxley

Just as the human eye sees only a small part of the light spectrum and the human ear can detect only a fraction of nature's sounds so that which is comprehensible to the human mind is only a small fraction of our reality.—Richard Anonymous

The subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety of the senses and understanding.—Francis Bacon

Not to know what has been transacted in former times is to be always a child. If no use is made of the labors of past ages, the world must remain always in the infancy of knowledge.—Cicero

The various modes of worship, which prevailed in the Roman world, were all considered by the people as equally true; by the philosopher, as equally false; and by the magistrate, as equally useful.—Edward Gibbon: The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

Most people seek after what they do not possess and are enslaved by the very things they want to acquire.—Anwar El-Sadat

There is a virtual despair among the many who look beyond material success for the inner meaning of their lives.—Barry Goldwater: 1964

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook.—Thomas Jefferson

Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us stronger for a time, leave us the weaker ever after.—Alexander Pope

Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market; or the precipice.—Robinson Jeffers

 The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.—E.W. Dijkstra

The fantastic advances in the field of communication constitute a grave danger to the privacy of the individual.—Earl Warren

We've arranged a civilization in which most crucial elements profoundly depend on science and technology. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology. This is a prescription for disaster. We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces.—Carl Sagan

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.—Christopher Isherwood

Ignorance is curable; idiocy is chronic.—Anonymous

There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to inculcate it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity.--Schopenhauer

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.--Voltaire

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.—Mark Twain

In the intellectually free-and-easy seventeenth century genius could spill where it fancied; in our century, specialization has become the counterfeit of brilliance.—Richard Gordon

When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.—Jonathan Swift: Thoughts on Various Subjects

I do not believe that any writer has ever exposed this bovaryisme, the human will to see things as they are not, more clearly than Shakespeare.—T.S. Elliot

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe—Albert Einstein

What more felicitie can fall to creature   Than to enjoy delight with libertie.—Edmund Spenser

The most important addition to the World Experience was the simple surprising fact of America. We have helped prepare mankind for all its later surprises.—Daniel J. Boorstin

While democracy must have its organizations and controls, its vital breath is individual liberty.—Chrles Evans Hughes: 1908 U.S. Supreme Court Justice

Equality, rightly understood, as our founding fathers understood it, leads to liberty and to the emancipation of creative differences. Wrongly understood, as it has been so tragically in our time, it leads first to conformity and then to despotism.—Barry Goldwater

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.—Dwight D. Eisenhower

This country is planted thick with laws from coast to coast -- man's laws -- not God's -- and if you cut them down . . . do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then?—Sir Thomas Moore

In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men the great difficulty lies in this: You must first enable the government to control the governed, and in the next place, oblige it to control itself .—Alexander Hamilton: The Federalist Feb.8, 1788

...wise and frugal government which shall restrain men from injuring one another, [and] shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits.—Thomas Jefferson: 1801 Inaugural Address

 One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.—Plato

A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular.—Adlai Stevenson

Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the Government's purposes are beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal well meaning but without understanding.—Justice Louis D. Brandeis

I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations.—James Madison

One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.—Bertrand Russell

Nothing is more damaging to a state than that cunning men pass for wise.—Francis Bacon

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.--Voltaire

Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.—Robert D. Sprecht

It is the invariable habit of bureaucracies, at all times and everywhere, to assume... that every citizen is a criminal. Their one apparent purpose, pursued with a relentless and furious diligence, is to convert the assumption into a fact. They hunt endlessly for proofs, and, when proofs are lacking, for mere suspicions. The moment they become aware of a definite citizen, John Doe, seeking what is his right under the law, they begin searching feverishly for an excuse for withholding it from him.—H.L. Mencken

To live outside the law you must be honest.—Bob Dylan

In times of tumult and discord, bad men have the most power; mental and moral excellence require peace and quietness.--Tacitus

...nomadism is the true condition of man, that natural selection has fitted the human race for wandering, not for a sedentary life, and that the ills of civilization issue from the neglect of this nomadic imperative.—John Rye: encapsulating the philosophy of Bruce Chatwin

The thin and precarious crust of decency is all that separates any civilization, however impressive, from the hell of anarchy or systematic tyranny which lie in wait beneath the surface.—Aldous Huxley

 . . .the basic delusion that men may be governed and yet be free.—H.L. Mencken

I used to think that it would be as well to separate the temporal and spiritual powers entirely. But I have learned that virtue without force is ludicrous.—Anonymous Vatican cardinal c. 1500

Magic: n. an art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.—Ambrose Bierce: The Devil’s Dictionary

Most people are willing to pay more to be amused than to be educated.--Anonymous

Men are willing to credit what they wish, and encourage rather those who gratify them with pleasure than those that instruct them with fidelity.—Samuel Johnson

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.—Albert Einstein

Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.—Anna Freud

Education: n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.—Ambrose Bierce

Learning: n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.—Ambrose Bierce

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.—Oscar Wilde

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.--Confucius

Real education must ultimately be limited to men who insist on knowing. The rest is mere sheep-herding.—Ezra Loomis Pound

To qualify students for personal success and direct usefulness in life; and to promote the public welfare by exercising an influence on behalf of humanity and civilization, teaching the blessings of liberty regulated by law, and inculcating love and reverence for the great principles of government as derived from the inalienable rights of man to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.—Leland Stanford: Statement on the objectives of Stanford University

At the root of the present troubles of the world we must find a pervasive materialism, a devastating desire for material goods. We know now that mechanical and technical progress is not identical with civilization. We must conclude in fact, that our faith that technology will take the place of justice has been naive. We look upon our neighbor either as customer or competitor or an instrument of production.
       We must reconstruct education, directing it to virtue and intelligence, To formulate, to clarify, to animate the ideals which should animate mankind - this is the incredibly heavy burden which rests, even in total war, upon the universities. If they cannot carry it, nobody else will; for nobody else can. If it cannot be carried, civilization cannot be saved. The task is stupendous.—Robert Maynard Hutchins: President University of Chicago 1943: Education for Freedom

These people, like the overindulgent guardians who spend the child's inheritance catering to adolescent whims and desires, are now naively amazed at what their overindulgence has produced.—Barry Goldwater: Responding to presidential candidate John Kennedy's lamentation that Americans have become soft 1960

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.—James Baldwin

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.—Socrates

A man who marries a bad wife will be miserable, a man who marries a good wife will get a mix of good and bad, and a man who is unmarried will be lonely, uncared-for, and without direct heirs.—Hesiod

In my youth I stressed freedom, and in my old age I stress order. I have made the great discovery that liberty is a product of order.—Will Durant

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.—H.L. Mencken

Irony is the hygiene of the mind.—Elizabeth Bibesco

To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.—St. Augustine

Whom the gods would destroy, they first call 'promising'.—Cyril Connolley

Either you think--or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.—F. Scott Fitzgerald

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.—Raymond Hull

Children who know how to think for themselves spoil the harmony of the collective society which is coming where everyone is interdependent.—John Dewey

Inferior intellects generally succeeded best. For, aware of their own deficiencies, and fearing the capacity of their opponents, for whom they were no match in powers of speech, and whose subtle wits were likely to anticipate them in contriving evil, they struck boldly and at once. But the cleverer sort, presuming in their arrogance that they would be aware in time, and disdaining to act when the could think, were taken off their guard and easily destroyed.—Thucydides: History of the Peloponnesian War

The tendency of liberals is to create bodies of men and women-of all classes-detached from tradition, alienated from religion, and susceptible to mass suggestion-mob rule. And a mob will be no less a mob if it is well fed, well clothed, well housed, and well disciplined.—T.S. Eliot

To win without risk is to triumph without glory.—Pierre Corneille

. . . the inability to view the validations of unpopular views, because the focus of their casuistry has been reduced to mindless invalidation.—Eli Khamarov

...Two and two are four . Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane .—George Orwell: 1984

Do as most do, and men will speak well of you.—Thomas Fuller

Anyone who challenges the prevailing orthodoxy finds himself silenced with surprising effectiveness. A genuinely unfashionable opinion is almost never given a fair hearing.—George Orwell

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.—Anatole France

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.—Albert Einstein

Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.—Ambrose Bierce

The extreme limit of wisdom--that is what the public calls madness.—Jean Cocteau

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.—C.G. Jung

He that would make his own liberty secure. must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.—Thomas Paine

Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.—Albert Einstein

The individual will always be a minority.  If a man is in a minority of one, we lock him up.—Oliver Wendell Holmes

That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of our time.—John Stuart Mill: On Liberty

A great step toward independence is a good humored stomach.--Seneca

Never open the door to a lesser evil, for other ones invariably slink in after it.—Baltasar Gracian

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.—John Kenneth Galbraith

Rough work, iconoclasm, but the only way to get at truth.—Oliver Wendell Holmes

Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse.—Winston Churchill

Art.....the end result of perception, wisdom, intelligence, discipline, hard work, passion, luck, accident, and coincidence.—Anonymous

 The finest works of art are precious, among other reasons, because they make it possible for us to know, if only imperfectly and for a little while, what it actually feels like to think subtly an feel nobly.—Aldous Huxley

 Mathematics, rightly viewed, posses not only truth, but supreme beauty a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture.—Bertrand Russell

If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him.—John Fitzgerald Kennedy

So cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can't fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.—William Burroughs

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.—Oscar Wilde

By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother groan'd, my father wept  Into the dangerous world I leapt, Helpless, naked, piping load, Like a fiend hid in a cloud.—William Blake

The eagle soaring majestically Beholds the lion prowling From now until eternity The philosopher shall be howling And the hoi polloi shall be scowling.—Anonymous

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.—Katherine Cebrian

There's only one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him. If he says yes, you know he's a crook.—Groucho Marx

Never do anything standing that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down.—Chinese Proverb

No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency.—Theodore Roosevelt

The good effects wrought by founders of cities, law givers, fathers of the peoples, extirpators of tyrants, and heroes of that class, extend but for short times; whereas the work of the Inventor, though a thing of less pomp and show, is felt everywhere and lasts forever.—Francis Bacon

Great persecutors are recruited among martyrs whose heads haven't been cut off.—E.M. Cioran

The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.—Hungarian proverb

Professional men are trained to conceal their thoughts.—William Mulhalland

A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.—Fanz Kafka

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.—Franklin P. Adams

 Infancy: n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.—Ambrose Bierce

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.—Kurt Vonnegut

 [The New World Order] cannot happen without U.S. participation, as we are the most significant single component. Yes, there will be a New World Order, and it will force the United States to change it's perceptions.—Henry Kissinger: 1994

To be great is to be misunderstood.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

I respect only those who resist me, but I cannot tolerate them.—Charles De Gaulle

Royalty has always been an unconscious but all-consuming goal of the European immigrant.—Vine Deloria Jr.

I will not criticize another until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.—Native American quote

One is not idle because one is absorbed. There is both visible and invisible labor. To contemplate is to toil. To think is to do.—Victor Hugo

Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.—Thomas Edison

If you know you are on the right track, if you have this inner knowledge, then nobody can turn you off . . . Regardless of what they say.—Barbara McClintock

Only the educated are free.--Epictetus

Freedom is a limited commodity.--Anonymous

The foolish and the uneducated have little use for freedom.--Anonymous

Only in truth is there true freedom, but truth is also the greatest taskmaster.—From Druid Law

That man has missed something who has never left a brothel at sunrise feeling like throwing himself into the river out of pure disgust.—Gustave Flaubert

Laziness:n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.—Ambrose Bierce

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.—Ayn Rand

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.—Ashleigh Brilliant

Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.—H.L. Mencken

 The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively hostile to it.--Anonymous

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.—Arthur C. Clarke

Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue that it is always respected, even when it is associated with vice.—Samuel Johnson

In the act of stealing there is a nervousness provoked by fear, and sometimes by anxiety, that makes for a state akin to religious moods.—Jean Genet

We move from one stage of self-deception to another.--Satre

The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.— Friedrich Nietzsche

 The easiest person to deceive is yourself.—Anonymous

The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.—Paul Valery

Who's in or out, who moves the grand machine, Nor stirs my curiosity, or spleen; Secrets of state no more I wish to know Than secret movements of a puppet-show; Let but the puppets move, I've my desire, Unseen the hand which guides the master wire.—Winston Churhill

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.—Peter F. Drucker

You'll come to learn a great deal if you study the Insignificant in depth.—Odysseus Elytis

The superfluous is very necessary.—Voltaire

 The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.—Bertrand Russell

The best way to fill time is to waste it.—Marguerite Duras

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost.—J.R.R Tolkien

Fortune is a great deceiver. She sells very dear the things she seems to give us.—Vincent Voiture

From such crooked wood as that which man is made of, nothing straight can be fashioned.—Immanuel Kant

The living is a species of the dead; and not a very attractive one.—Friedrich Nietzshe: Thus Spake Zarathustra

A man that should call everything by its right name, would hardly pass the streets without being knocked down as a common enemy.—Lord Halifax

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.—Aldous Huxley

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusion.—Maurice Chapelain

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face - forever.—George Orwell

by the time a man reaches 30 life should be sad, meaningless, and hopeless.—From War and Peace

 The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.—George Bernard Shaw

 O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man! The Hermit crossed his brow. "Say quick" quoth he,"I bid thee say--" What manner of man art thou?—Samuel Coleridge: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Popular Christianity has for its emblem a gibbet, for its chief sensation a sanginary execution after torture, for its central mystery is an insane vengeance bought off by a trumpery expiation. But there is a nobler and profounder Christianity which affirms the sacred mystery of equality and forbids the glaring futility and folly of vengeance.—George Bernard Shaw

My object will be, if possible, to form Christian men, for Christian boys I can scarcely hope to make.—Thomas Arnold

2 Nietzsche, There is a choice.—Message seen on outside display board of Church

I fear continence.—Aeneassylvius Piccolomini: the future 15th century Pope Pius II, when he reluctantly took the Holy Orders as a young man  

Fine words and insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.--Confucius

The artist needs no religion beyond his work.—Elbert Hubbard

This is the way the world is lead to war: politicians lie to journalists, and believe those lies when they see them in print.—Anonymous

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy.—Franz Kafka

Any movement in history which attempts to perpetuate itself, becomes reactionary.—Josip Broz Tito

Power operates only destructively, bent always on forcing every manifestation of life into the straitjacket of its laws. Its intellectual form of expression is dead dogma, its physical form brute force. And this unintelligence of its objectives sets its stamp on its supporters also and renders them stupid and brutal, even when they were originally endowed with the best of talents. One who is constantly striving to force everything into a mechanical order at last becomes a machine himself and loses all human feeling.—Rudolph Rocker

Power always thinks it has a great soul and vast views beyond the comprehension of the weak; and that it is doing God's service when it is violating all his laws.—John Adams

The instinct to command others, in its primitive essence, is a carnivorous, altogether bestial and savage instinct. Under the influence of the mental development of man, it takes on a somewhat more ideal form and becomes somewhat ennobled, presenting itself as the instrument of reason and the devoted servant of that abstraction, or political fiction, which is called the public good. But in its essence it remains just as baneful, and it becomes even more so when, with the application of science, it extends its scope and intensifies the power of its action. If there is a devil in history, it is this power principle.—Mikhail Bakunin

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.—H.L. Mencken

Debt is the slavery of the free.—Publilius Syrus

Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away;A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country.—Lord Byron

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.—Toulouse-Laurtrec

If the devil were to offer me a resurgence of what is commonly called virility, I'd decline. 'Just keep my liver and lungs in good working order,' I'd reply, 'so I can go on drinking and smoking.'—Luis Buquel

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman, but believing what he read made him mad.—George Bernard Shaw

To educate a man in mind, and not in morals, is to educate a menace to society.—Theodore Roosevelt

Necessity is the plea of every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.—William Pitt

Bodily exercise, when compulsory, does no harm to the body; but knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.—Plato

 Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility.—George Orwell

Music is essentially useless, as is life.—George Santayana

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Talents are best nurtured in solitude; character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.—Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

 The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness.—Eric Sevareid

Under peaceful conditions the militant man attacks himself.—Friedrich Nietzsche 

My music doesn't come from the heart, it comes from the groin.—Rock Star Bryan Adams

Well, we've only had a certain number of executions in the last few years- whatever it was- and two of them were for the personal convenience of Truman Capote.—William F. Buckley Jr.

In the U.S. you have to be a deviant or exist in extreme boredom...Make no mistake; all intellectuals are deviants in the U.S.—William Burroughs

 You have to be deviant if you're going to do anything new.—David Lee

The American experience stirred mankind from discovery to exploration, from the cautious quest for what they knew (or what they thought they knew) was out there, to an enthusiastic reaching to the unknown.—Daniel J. Boorstin

 The genius of the American system is that we have created extraordinary results from plain old ordinary people.—Phil Gramm

The American Constitution is, so far as I can see, the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.—William E. Gladstone

Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.—John Adams

In our country, we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.—Mark Twain

The typical American of today has lost all the love of liberty, that his forefathers had, and all their disgust of emotion, and pride in self-reliance. He is led no longer by Davy Crocketts; he is led by cheer leaders, press agents, word mongers, uplifters.—H.L. Mencken

Sex is the Tabasco sauce which an adolescent national palate sprinkles on every course in the menu.—Mary Day Winn

The problem with America today is that too many people know too much about not enough.--Anonymous

A sound American is simply one who has put out of his mind all doubts and questionings, and who accepts instantly, and as incontrovertible gospel, the whole body of official doctrine of his day, whatever it may be and no matter how often it may change. The instant he challenges it, no matter how timorously and academically, he ceases by that much to be a loyal and creditable citizen of the republic.—H.L. Mencken

American life is a powerful solvent. It seems to neutralize every intellectual element, however tough and alien it may be, and to fuse it in the native good-will, complacency thoughtlessness, and optimism.—James Harvey Robinson

 The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who Is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost invariably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And if he is not romantic personally, he is apt to spread discontent among those who are.—H.L. Mencken

 America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.—John Updike

Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy.—Margaret Thatcher

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.—Jim Samuels

 America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.—Arnold Toynbee

Hollywood grew to be the most flourishing factory of popular mythology since the Greeks.—Allistair Cooke

 Fame is proof that people are gullible.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Civilization is a transient sickness.—Robinson Jeffers

I am a pupil, and need to be taught.—Inscription which PETER THE GREAT always carried with him

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

The 100th anniversary of the French Revolution was marked by a huge exhibition, the Exposition Universelle, in Paris. The organizers considered a number of schemes for a centerpiece for the exhibition, including the bizarre idea of a model guillotine 1,000 feet high.—Nigel Hawkes

The elegance of honesty needs no adornment.—Merry Browne

Peanut butter can be used as a substitute for shaving cream.—Barry Goldwater

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.—George Bernard Shaw

 F. Scott Fitzgerald is the first of the last generation.—Gertrude Stein

It is terrifying to see how easily, in certain people, all dignity collapses. Yet when you think about it, this is quite normal since they only maintain this dignity by constantly striving against their own nature.—Albert Camus

Death is the only thing we haven't succeeded in completely vulgarizing.—Aldous Huxley

Dark with excessive bright.—Milton

Popular opinions, on subjects not palpable to sense, are often true, but seldom or never the whole truth.—John Stuart Mill

Many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers. Many people of average intelligence are skilled thinkers. The power of a car is separate from the way the car is driven.—Edward De Bono

Numbers are like people; torture them enough and they'll tell you anything.--Anonymous

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.—George Bernard Shaw

Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.—H.L. Mencken

 Sir, I say that justice is truth in action.—Benjamin Disraeli

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.—George Bernard Shaw

I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea- shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.—Isaac Newton

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.—Elayne Boosler

Jews don't go camping . Life is hard enough as it is.—Carol Siskind

Travel, instead of broadening the mind, often merely lengthens the conversation.—Elizabeth Drew

 Certainly it is a world of scarcity. But the scarcity is not confined to iron ore and arable land. The most constricting scarcities are those of character and personality.—William R. Allen

Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends that they like.—Anonymous

Woe to him inside a nonconformist clique who does not conform with noconformity.—Eric Hoffer

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.—Lord Acton

Give me six lines written by the most honorable of men, and I will find an excuse in them to hang him.—Cardinal Richelieu

Oh, if only I did nothing simply as a result of laziness.--Dostoyevski

People are always ready to admit a man's ability after he gets there.—Bob Edwards

We can be knowledgeable with other men's knowledge but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom.—Montaigne

 Infinity and nothingness are two words which are inspired by the same emotion.—Richard Anonymous

There is no safety for honest men but by believing all possible evil of evil men.—Edmund Burke

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.—Albert Einstein

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.—George Bernard Shaw

 Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.—Ernest Hemingway

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.—Aldous Huxley

None can love freedom heartily but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license.—John Milton

Information can be treated like any other quantity and be subjected to the manipulation of a machine.—Stan Aigarten

What makes all doctrines plain and clear?- About two hundred pounds a year. And that which was prov'd true before Prove false again? Two hundred more.—Samuel Butler

It's useful that there should be Gods, so let's believe there are.--Ovid

Object as they exist in time the clean eye and camera give us. Not falsified by "seeing.”—Jim Morrsion

The more a man lies to others the more he lies to himself.--Anonymous

The temptation shared by all forms of intelligence: cynicism.—Albert Camus

An orphan's curse would drag to Hell A spirit from on high; But oh! More horrible than that Is the curse in a dead man's eye.—Samuel Coleridge

Every man wishes to be wise, and they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning.—Samuel Johnson

I live in the crowds of jollity, not so much to enjoy company as to shun myself.—Samuel Johnson

Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.—Alfonso the Wise (1121-1284)

The so-called method of co-education is false in theory and harmful to Christian training.—Pope Pius XI

Children's playthings are not sports and should be deemed as their most serious actions.—Montaigne

 When men are easy in their circumstances, they are naturally enemies to innovations.—Joseph Addison

The younger brother hath the more wit.—John Ray: In the times when primogeniture was the rule, the younger brother was resentful but dependent; wit was likely to be his sole resource.

You're searching, Joe, for things that don't exist; I mean beginnings. Ends and beginnings-there are no such things.—Robert Frost

 Nothing overshadows truth so completely as authority.—Alberti

Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.—Ambrose Bierce

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.—Lao Tze

 They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.—Benjamin Franklin

He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.—Thomas Paine

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.—Margaret Mead

A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition.—H.L. Mencken

A man always blames the woman who fooled him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.—H.L. Mencken

 Vision without action is a daydream. Action with without vision is a nightmare.—Japanese Proverb

It is clear that thought is not free if the profession of certain opinions makes it impossible to earn a living.—Bertrand Russell

Truth is not determined by majority vote.—Doug Gwyn

 There is nothing more agreeable in life than to make peace with the establishment and nothing more corrupting,--Alan John Percivale Taylor

Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.—Mark Twain

Cynic-n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.—Ambrose Bierce

Ambition is but avarice on stilts and masked.—Walter Savage Landor

The three great apostles of practical atheism, that make converts without persecuting, and retain them without preaching, are wealth, health, and power.—C.C. Colton

The following are titles of Country-Western Music songs:

You're the Reason our Kids are so ugly.

I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart.

I got in at 2 with a 10 and Woke Up at 10 with a 2

If you see me Gettin' smaller it's cause I'm Leavin' you

I'll Marry You Tomorrow but Let's Honeymoon Tonite

He's been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk

Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.—Bertrand Russell

If we think we regulate printing, thereby to rectify manners, we must regulate all regulations and pastimes, all that is delightful to man.—John Milton 

We should be eternally vigilant against attempts to check the expression of opinions that we loathe.—Oliver Wendel Holmes Jr.

Where it is duty to worship the sun, it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.—John Morley

Existentialism is less a philosophical system than a bad mood.—William Wilson and Judy Jones

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.—Franz Kafka

Books give not wisdom where none was before, But where some is, there reading makes it more.—Sir John Harington

Comedy is allied to justice.--Aristophenes

Academia forcibly tells you about all the great men and revolutionaries, and rebels, especially the rebels, who have changed the world for the better. But they wouldn't notice him were he standing right in front of them.—Eli Khamorov

Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.—Thomas Henry Huxley

You don't need any brains to listen to music.—Luciano Pavorotti: opera singer, 1994

Gradualness, gradualness, and gradualness. From the very beginning of your work, school yourself to severe gradualness in the accumulation of knowledge.—Ivon Petrovich Pavlov

Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.—George Maculay Trevelyan

 You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.—Leonardo Da Vinci

A scholar knows no boredom.—Jean Paul Richer

I have found it difficult to endear myself to those who could best positively affect the quality of my life—Eli Khamorov

 It isn't the incompetent who destroy an organization It is those who have achieved something and want to rest upon their achievements who are forever clogging things up.—Charles Sorenson

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep .—Fran Lebowitz

If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.—Lin Yutang

 It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.—Robert Anton Wilson

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.—John Ciardi

 There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity.—Robertson Davies

Politics, n. strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.—Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves.—J. B. Priestley

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.—Ben Hecht

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.—Horace Walpole

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.—Nick Diamos

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.—Eric Hoffer

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.—Douglas Adams

 When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.—Benjamin Disraeli

 Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.—E. F. Schumacher

 The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.—Paul Fix

 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.—H. L. Mencken

 Man is an animal which, alone among the animals, refuses to be satisfied by the fulfilment of animal desires.—Alexander Graham Bell

 Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind.—Nicolas Chamfort

 Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.—Mark Twain

 The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.—G. K. Chesterton

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.—Eric Hoffer

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.—Oscar Wilde

Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diesease of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.—Voltaire

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.—Groucho Marx

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.—Nancy Mitford

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.—Tolstoy

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy- the mother.—Claudette Colbert

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. –Rita Rudner

A Classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.—Mark Twain

It has been said that we have not had the three R’s in America, we had the six R’s: remedial readin’, remedial ‘ritin’and remedial ‘rithmetic.—Robert M. Hutchins

Equal opportunity means that everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.—Laurence J. Peter

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can’t be done.—Peter Ustinov

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don’t work, those that break down and those that get lost.—Russell Baker

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.—Thomas Szasz

Always forgive your enemies: nothing annoys them so much.—Oscar Wilde

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.—George Bernard Shaw

Education: the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent.—John Maynard Keynes

By the time the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it apart.—Christopher Morley

If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.—Samuel Butler

Statistics are like a bikini: what they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital.--Anonymous 

Living well is the best revenge.--Anonymous

Virtue, among other definitions, may thus be defined: an action against the will.--Anonymous 

Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.--Anonymous

Here lies a poor woman who always was tired,
For she lived in a place where help wasn't hired.
Her last words on earth were, Dear friends I am going
Where washing ain't done nor sweeping nor sewing,
And everything there is exact to my wishing of dishes...
Don't mourn for me now, don't mourn for me never,
For I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.—Anonymous

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.--Anonymous

To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer.—Anonymous 

There was a young lady named Bright,
Who traveled much faster than light.
She started one day
In the relative way,
And returned on the previous night.—Anonymous

He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain damage during rebirth.—Anonymous

Beneath this smooth stone by the bone of his bone
Sleeps Master John Gill;
By lies when alive this attorney did thrive,
And now that he's dead he lies still.--Anonymous

It has been said that there are seven essential requisites for going to law:
a good cause,
a good lawyer,
good evidence,
good witnesses,
a good judge,
a good jury,
and good luck!—Anonymous

With the exception of lawyers, there is no profession which considers itself above the law so widely as the medical profession.—Samuel Hopkins Adams

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.—Franklin P. Adams: Nods and Becks, 1944

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.—Minna Antrim: Naked Trugh and Veiled Allusions, 1902

[A conversation between Alexander the Great and a pirate he had seized]
When the king asked him what he meant by infesting the sea, the pirate defiantly replied:
The same as you do when you infest the whole world;
but because I do it with a little ship I am called a robber,
and because you do it with a great fleet, you are an emperor.—St. Augustine: Book Four of the City Of God

The most essential mental quality for a free people, whose liberty is to be progressive, permanent and on a large scale, is much stupidity.—Walter Bagehot

It is a good idea to 'shop around' before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all, you're paying for it.—Dave Berry

You made one mistake. You married me. (Last words to his wife, Beatrice) –Brenda Behan

Take our politicians: they're a bunch of yo-yos. The presidency is now a cross between a popularity contest and a high school debate, with an encyclopedia of clichés as the first prize.—Saul Bellow. 1980

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.—Bernard Berenson: Notebook, 1982 

When a man speaks of the need for realism one may be sure that this is always the prelude to some bloody deed.—Sir Isaiah Berlin: quoted in The Times, 1981

All of us are mad. If it weren't for the fact that every one of us is slightly abnormal, there wouldn't be any point in giving each person a separate name.—Betti Ugo

Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think.—Ambrose Bierce 

When the leaders speak of peace
The common folk know
That war is coming
When the leaders curse war
The mobilization order is already written out. Every day, to earn my daily bread
I go to the market where lies are bought
I take up my place among the sellers.—Betolt Brecht: Hollywood, in Collected Poems, 1913-1956

It is well said that success has many fathers but failure is an orphan.—Lord Brougham

A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself.—Lord Brougham 

Christian ethics are seldom found save in the philosophy of some unbeliever.—Heywood Broun

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.—William B. Castle

Bunyan spent a year in prison, Coleridge was a drug addict, Poe was an alcoholic, Marlowe was killed by a man he was trying to stab, Pope took a large sum of money to keep a woman's name out of a vicious satire and then wrote it so that she could be recognized anyway, Chatterton killed himself, Somerset Maugham was so unhappy in his final thirty years that he longed for death... do you still want to be a writer?—Bennett Cerf

The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.—Nicolas Chamfort: Characters and Anecdotes, 1771

The success of many books is due to the affinity between the mediocrity of the author's ideas and those of the public.—Nicolas Chamfort: quoted in A Cynic’s Breviary, by J.R. Solly, 1925

It is usually when men are at their most religious that they behave with the least sense and the greatest cruelty.—Ilka Chase

Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated.—G.K. Chesterton, Heretics, 1905

Conscience is what your mother told you before you were six years old.—Dr. Brock Chisholm, quoted in Ladies’ Home Journal, 1949

The First Law of Journalism: to confirm existing prejudice, rather than contradict it.—Alexander Cockburn: More Magazine, 1974

Nature is that lovely lady to whom we owe polio, leprosy, smallpox, syphilis, tuberculosis, cancer.—Stanley N. Cohen

Computer was something on TV from a science fiction show.
A window was something you hated to clean.
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
MEG was the name of my girlfriend and GIG was your middle finger upright,
Now they all mean different things and that really Mega bytes.
An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age,
A CD was a bank account,
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy,
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file,
And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire,
Hard Drive was a long trip on the road,
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife,
Paste you did with glue,
A web was a spider's home,
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper,
And the memory in my head,
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead.—Computer Age: Remember When. . .

The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet.—Cyril Connally: Journal and Memoir, 1983

English Law: where there are two alternatives: one intelligent, one stupid; one attractive, one vulgar; one noble, one ape-like; one serious and sincere, one undignified and false; one far-sighted, one short; Everybody will invariably choose the latter.

President and Mrs. Coolidge, visiting a government farm, were taken around on separate tours.
At the chicken pens Mrs. Coolidge paused to inquire of the overseer whether the rooster copulated more than once a day.
'Dozens of times,'
said the man.
'Tell that to the president,'
requested Mrs. Coolidge. The president came past the pens and was told about the rooster.
'Same hen every time?'
he asked.
'Oh, no, a different one each time.'
Coolidge nodded.
'Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge,'
he said.—Calvin Coolidge: (This incident gave the president lasting fame he could never have foreseen. From it arose the technical term 'the Coolidge effect' to describe the rearousal of a male animal by a new female.)

Life was a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave.—Quentin Crisp

The idea of a Supreme Being who creates a world in which one creature is designed to eat another in order to subsist, and then pass a law saying, "Thou shalt not kill," is so monstrously,immeasurably, bottomlessly absurd that I am at a loss to understand how mankind has entertained or given it house room all this long.—Peter De Vries

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.—Clarence Darrow

Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.—Benjamin Disraeli: Coningsby, 1844

The animals are not as stupid as one thinks - they have neither doctors nor lawyers.—L. Docquier: Reflections On The Art Of Life, 1902

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.—Desiderius Erasmus

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.—James K. Feibleman: Understanding Philosophy, 1973

Justice is the sanction of established injustice.—Anatole France: Crainquebille, 1901

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.—French Proverb

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.—Robert Frost

I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.—Galileo Galilei

Organized Christianity has probably done more to retard the ideals that were its founders' than any other agency in the world.—Richard Le Gallienne

There is nothing so absurd or ridiculous that has not at some time been said by some philosopher.—Oliver Goldsmith

We are the unwilling, led by the unqualified, doing the unnecessary for the ungrateful.—Graffiti: Vietman, 1960s and 1970s

There is nothing more I should do to it now, and therefore I am not likely to be more ready to go than at this moment. (Last words)—Ulysses S. Grant

You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a realist he is preparing to do something that he is secretly ashamed of doing.—Sydney J. Harris

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.—Eric Hoffer: The Passionate State Of Mind, 1954

"I'm so worried,"
the nervous patient said as the nurse plumped up his pillows.
"Last week, I read about a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble and he died of malaria."
the nurse said, smiling.
"This is a first-rate hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he dies of heart trouble."—Hospital

When Hutchins was dean of Yale Law School, he had a brief conversation with William Howard Taft, then Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
'Well, Professor Hutchins, '
said Taft,
'I suppose you teach your students that the judges are all fools.'
'No, Mr. Chief Justice,'
replied Hutchins,
'we let them find that out for themselves.'—Robert Maynard Hutchins

The death of democracy is not likely to be assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference and undernourishment.—Robert Maynard Hutchins

That men do not learn very much from history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.—Aldous Huxley: Collected Essays. 1959

You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion. Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but not, as yet, quite intelligent enough.—Aldous Huxley

We tolerate shapes in human beings that would horrify us if we saw them in a horse.—W.R. Inge

In the name of religion, one tortures, persecutes, builds pyres. In the guise of ideologies, one massacres, tortures and kills. In the name of justice one the name of love of one's country or of one's race hates other countries, despises them, massacres them. In the name of equality and brotherhood there is suppression and torture. There is nothing in common between the means and the end, the means go far beyond the end...ideologies and religion... are the alibis of the means.—Eugene Ionesco: Esquire Magazine, 1974

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.—William James

Be not too hasty to trust or admire the teachers of morality: they discourse like angels but they live like men.—Dr. Samuel Johnson: The Rasselas, 1759

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.—Carl Jung

Physicians think they do a lot for a patient when they give his disease a name.—Immanuel Kant

Anybody who is 25 or 30 years old has physical scars from all sorts of things, from tuberculosis to polio. It's the same with the mind.—Ralph Kaufman

If one looks with a cold eye at the mess man has made of his history, it is difficult to avoid the conclusion that he has been afflicted by some built-in mental disorder which drives him towards self-destruction. Murder within the species on an individual or collective scale is a phenomenon unknown in the whole animal kingdom, except for man, and a few varieties of ants and rats.—Arthur Koestler: Observer, 1968

Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.—Joseph Wood Krutch

When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.—Marquis de La Grange: Pensees, 1872

Society highly values its normal men. It educates children to lose themselves and to become absurd, and thus be normal. Normal men have killed perhaps 100,000,000 of their fellow normal men in the last fifty years.—R.D. Laing: The Politics of Experience, 1967

In an act that amazed the audience, a dog sat onstage and played several tunes on a piano. As the audience applauded, a larger dog came onstage, forced the smaller dog from its stool, and led it into the wings. Backstage, the trainer told the theater manager, "That's his mother. She wants him to give up music and go to law school."—Law School

It is only the learned who care to learn, the ignorant who prefer to teach.—Edouard Le Berquier: Pensees Des Aurtes

Life is a sewer. What you take out depends on what you put into it.—Tom Lehrer

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence.—Art Linkletter

We must remember that in time of war what is said on the enemy's side of the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace.—Walter Lippmann, 1966

The business world worships mediocrity. Officially we revere free enterprise, initiative and individuality. Unofficially we fear it.—George Lois: The Art Of Advertising, 1977

Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this: that you are dreadfully like other people.—James Russell Lowell: My Study Windows, 1871

Every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.—Mignon McLaughlin: The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1963

Every country has the government it deserves.—Joseph de Maistre: Letter, 1811

The more conscious a philosopher is of the weak spots of his theory, the more certain he is to speak with an air of final authority.—Don Marquis

'Peace' is when nobody's shooting. A 'just peace' is when our side gets what it wants.—Bill Mauldin: Loose Talk, 1980

Specialist: a man who knows more and more about less and less.—William J. Mayo

To die for an idea - it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true.—H.L. Mencken

Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an appeal to the unintelligible.—H.L. Mencken: Minority Report, 1956

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.—H.L. Mencken: Minority Report, 1956

God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable. They find not only sanctuary in His arms, but also a kind of superiority, soothing to their macerated egos; He will set them above their betters.—H.L. Mencken: Minority Report, 1956

Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.—H.L. Mencken: A Book Of Burlesques, 1920

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup..—H.L. Mencken: Minority Report, 1956

Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It is an art like any other. Its virtuosi are called altruists.—H.L. Mencken: Minority Report, 1956

Did you hear what the white rat said to the other white rat? 'I've got that psychologist so well trained that every time I ring the bell he brings me something to eat.'—David Mercer

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.—Wilson Mizner

Religion is the venereal disease of mankind.—Henri de Montherlant: Ultimate Insult

Enough research will tend to support your theory (quoted in Murphy's Law by A.Bloch, 1979).—Murphy’s Law of Research

The history of saints is mainly the history of insane people.—Benito Mussolini, 1904

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.—George Jean Nathan

The preponderance of pain over pleasure is the cause of our fictitious morality and religion.—Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylums shows that faith does not prove anything.—Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.—Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting.—George Orwell (Eric Blair): The Sporting Spirit, 1945

The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'Cheque Enclosed'.—Dorothy Parker

While a book reviewer for the New Yorker, Dorothy Parker went on her honeymoon. Her editor, Harold Ross, began pressuring her for her belated copy. She replied, 'Too fucking busy, and vice versa.'—Dorothy Parker

Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.—William Penn, 1693

Once (says an Author; where I need not say)
Two Trav'lers found an Oyster in their way;
Both fierce, both hungry; the dispute grew stong;
While Scale in Hand Dame Justice pass'd along
Before her each with clamour pleads the Laws.
Explain'd the matter, and would win the cause,
Dame Justice wighing long the doubtful Right
Takes, opens, swallows it, before their sight.
The cause of strife remov'd so rarely well,
"There take" (says Justice), "take ye each a shell.
We thrive at Westminster on Fools like you:
'Twas a fat oyster -- live in peace -- Adieu."—Alexander Pope

History repeats itself - the first time as tragi-comedy, the second time as bedroom farce.—Private Eye Magazine, 1978

A priest sees people at their best, a lawyer at their worst, but a doctor sees them as they really are.—Proverb

Try to be forgotten. Go live in the country. Stay in mourning for two years, then remarry, but choose somebody decent.—Alexander Pushkin (Last words to his wife, Natalya)

You can't say civilization don't advance...for in every war they kill you a new way.—Will Rogers: The Autobiography of Will Rogers, 1949

Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill all and you are a God.—Jean Rostand: Thoughts of a Biologist, 1955

The first man to fence in a piece of land saying 'This is mine' and who found people simple enough to believe him, was the real founder of civil society.—Jean-Jacques Rousseau

So little done, so much to do.—Cecil Rhodes (last words)

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists - that is why they invented hell.—Bertrand Russell

We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side; one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach.—Bertrand Russell: Skeptical Essays, 1928

There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it, the other that you can boast about it.—Bertrand Russell: The Conquest of Happiness, 1930

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatsoever that it is not utterly absurd. Indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible.—Bertrand Russell: Marriage and Morals, 1929

RUSSELL, Bertrand, MYSTICISM AND LOGIC, 'A Free Man's Worship'

Organic Life, we are told, has developed gradually from the protozoon to the philosopher and this development, we are assured, is indubitably an advance. Unfortunately it is the philosopher, not the protozoon, who gives us this assurance.—Bertrand Russell: Mysticism and Logic, A Free Man’s Worship

The working of great institutions is mainly the result of a vast mass of routine, petty malice, self interest, carelessness and sheer mistake. Only a residual fraction is thought.—George Santayana: The Crime of Galileo

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on.—Budd Schulberg: What Makes Sammy Run

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.—Pete Seeger: Loose Talk, 1980

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.—George Bernard Shaw: Caesar and Cleopatra, 1901

Moral indignation is in most cases 2 percent moral, 48 percent indignation and 50 percent envy.—Vittorio de Sica: Observer, 1961

A well governed people are generally a people who do not think much.—Andre Siegfried: Inedit

Do you want to injure someone's reputation? Don't speak ill of him, speak too well.—Andre Siegfried: Quelques Maximes, 1943

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape.—Solon

Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.—Robert Southey

A woman scientist had been working for some time with a chimpanzee teaching it to carry out various tasks such as opening a box and rewarding it with fruit. One day, after a session with the chimpanzee, she came into the coffee room half laughing and half crying, obviously very emotional. Her colleagues, a little alarmed, finally managed to get out of her what had happened. She had decided to leave the laboratory area temporarily, and had undone the bolt on the door -- whereupon the chimpanzee had solemnly handed her a stick of celery.—Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen: Figments of Reality, 1997

We don't call it sin today, we call it self-expression.—Max Stirner

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretences but your own.—Lionel Strachey 

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him.—Jonathan Swift

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.—Thomas Szasz: The Second Sin

Speech was given to man to conceal his thoughts.—Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand

No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions. He had money as well.—Margaret Thatcher: Spectator, 1980

America...just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.—Hunter S. Thompson: Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, 1972

The only qualities for real success in journalism are rat-like cunning, a plausible manner and a little literary ability. The capacity to steal other people's ideas and also invaluable.—Nicolas Tomalin: Stop the Press, I Want to Get On

We have been God-like in our planned breeding of our domesticated plants and animals, but we have been rabbit-like in our unplanned breeding of ourselves.—Arnold Toynbee

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.—Lionel Trilling: Esquire Magazine, 1962

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.—Harry S. Truman, 1958

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.—Mark Twain: The Disappearance of Literature, 1900

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.—Lana Turner, 1980 

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.—Mark Twain: Notebooks, 1935

The habit of religion is oppressive, an easy way out of thought.—Peter Ustinov: Everybody’s Magazine, 1957

A hustler is a man who will talk you into giving him a free ride and make it seem as if he is doing you a great favor.—Bill Veeck, 1965

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.—Gore Vidal: Evening Standard, 1981

Do not fear when your enemies criticize you. Beware when they applaud.—Vo Dong Giang: Time Magazine, 1978

Animals have these advantages over man: they have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no-one starts law suits over their wills.—Voltaire (Francois Marie Arouet)

Religion is the source of all imaginable follies and disturbances; it is the parent of fanaticism and civil discord; it is the enemy of mankind.—Voltaire

When he who hears doesn't understand him who speaks, and when he who speaks doesn't know what he himself means - that is philosophy.—Voltaire: Candid, 1759

Someone once remarked that in adolescence pornography is a substitute for sex, whereas in adulthood sex is a substitute for pornography.—Edmund White: New Times Magazine, 1979

There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.—Oscar Wilde: The Critic As Artist, 1891

Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors; those who do study it will find other ways to err.—Charles Wolf Jr.: Wall Street Journal, 1976

Politicians who wish to succeed must be prepared to dissemble, at times to lie. All deceit is bad. In politics some deceit or moral dishonesty is the oil without which the machinery would not work.—Woodrow Wyatt: Sunday Times, 1973

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