These
Calculus Carols were published in Math Horizons, Winter, 1993 with the
Imagine
a tall, dynamic teacher, head of the Society for Isaac Newton,
and dressed as the Big Fig (we told you that you would have to
use your imagination). That was Denis Gannon (1940-1991), an inspiring teacher
at F. T. Maloney High School in Meriden, CT for 29 years. Gannon’s hallmark
was humor. Each year at the holiday season he bellowed out Calculus Carols that
he wrote for his AP Calculus students. Here are two for your class to sing.
Fill the Boards with Differentials
(To
the tune of Deck the Halls)
Fill
the boards with differentials,
FALALALALA
LALALALA
Note
that du’s
are essential,
FALALALALA
LALALALA
C’s
are constants here before us,
FALALA
LALALA LALALA
Integration
cannot floor us,
FALALALALA
LALALALA
Quizzes
always make us queasy,
FALALALALA
LALALALA
Max
and mins are never easy,
FALALALALA
LALALALA
Conic
volumes we can measure,
FALALA
LALALA LALALA
Nine
and tens we’ll always treasure,
FALALALALA
LALALALA
Oh Calculus, Oh Calculus!
(To
the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
How
tough are both your branches.
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
To
pass, what are my chances?
Derivatives
I cannot take
At
integrals my fingers shake
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
How
tough are both your branches.
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
Your
theorems I can’t master
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
My
proofs are a disaster
You
pull a trick out of the air
Or
find a reason, God knows where
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
Your
theorems I can’t master.
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
Your
problems do distress me
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
Related
rates depress me
I
walk toward lampposts in my sleep
And
running water makes me weep.
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
Your
problems do depress me.
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
My
limit I am reaching
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
For
mercy I’m beseeching
My
grades do not approach a B
They’re
just an epsilon from D
Oh
Calculus, Oh Calculus
My
limit I am reaching.